Book Review: The 7 habits of highly effective people

這是我在防疫期間偶然在 Kindle 上看到的一本書,因為評價不錯就載下來看了。這本書的副標是 Powerful lessons in personal change,書裡提供一個框架,讓你透過建立良好的習慣,把終極人生目標跟生活各個面向結合在一起,很適合給內心想要做出改變卻遲遲沒有行動的人參考。對於這種類型的書,我一向是覺得絕對不是拿來奉為圭臬,但只要書裡能提供一個思考的框架去幫助我調整生活(有點像在洗腦自己),讀了就算有收穫了。

書裡的7個habits可以分成私領域(habit 1- 3 :個人怎麼有效改變自我)和公領域(habit 4–6 :怎麼影響其他人),最後總結則是綜合公私領域,每個habit缺一不可,而且需要循序漸進,一步步建立。

世界上有三種人,dependent, independent, 和 interdependent。habit 1–3 是講怎麼從 dependent 到 independent。當 independent 的人已經很難了,如果沒有有意識的突破,生活中大部分的人會停留在這裡。habit 4–6 是講怎麼變 independent,必須能夠在團體中發揮影響力與人合作,甚至是當領導者。

書中不斷強調的概念,是要平衡 production 和 production capability,兩者不能偏廢其中一邊。舉例來說,工作是你的產出,如果為了工作而沒有好好投資、充實自己,那麼你的產出可能越來越不值錢。但是當然為了生計也不可能不工作,這時候適當的投資自己並想辦法兌現,再用新產生的價值來投資自己,就是一個好的循環。以人際關係而言,如果只是一味的跟朋友索取(production),而沒有滋養友情(production capability),那麼最終這段友誼可能會消逝。

如果你曾經質疑過生活的意義,那可能代表你在追逐錯誤的目標。作者認為我們應該追求的是 natural principle,像是 fairness, integrity, honesty, human dignity, service/contribute, excellence, potential/growth, patience, nurturance, encouragement,這些會自然帶給人幸福和意義感,也是真正可以用來定義人的價值。反觀追逐名利、升遷、金錢,最終得手卻會帶來空虛。下面的 Habit 2 中會有更詳細的框架,讓你解析自己的是哪個 principle,以及建議怎麼做調整。

要由內而外改變自己,需要的是想法上的 “典範轉移” (shift paradigm), 簡單來說就是跳脫思想的侷限,透過不同的角度去看事情(我覺得更像是洗腦自己XD)。其中作者提出要 shift paradigm 的利器有三個:self-awareness, imagination, 和 conscience。做出改變的第一步是自己要先有意識,知道自己是有能力做出改變和影響的。

Be proactive, don’t feel victimized。當你不滿意自己的環境時,並且多次換了環境還是有一樣的問題,那也許不是環境不好而是你自己有問題必須先解決。試著擴大你的 circle of concern,對環境的影響力提升之後,你也可以掌控更多,而不是光等著外在的因素改變你才能行動。

要 shift paradigm 的利器第二個,是你的想像力。改變對環境的想法,最快的做法是透過想像力,把想像視覺化可以更強化想像力的作用:

Visualize your mission statement and begin with the end in mind by imagining your funeral. What do you want people to say about you? Family, friends, coworker, community… What do you want it all to end? To most of us, principle is love. It you want to be loving and supportive as a family, respectful and supportive as a spouse, interesting and respectful and caring as a friend, creative and hard working as a coworker, help and nurture younger people…, it’s time to start building that. Align your life with those principles, you can affirm that with visualization.

  • character: what you want to be
  • contribution: want to do
  • achievement: the values or principles upon which being and doing are based, eg: develop one proficiency every year
  • find your center with four-life support factors: guidance, power, security, wisdom
  • Don’t depend on: social mirror, on spouse, on money, on work (workaholic), on pleasure, on stuff or fame, on family, on religion, on selfishness
  • Don’t let others pull the strings for you, fame, achievement, money are the wrong center.
  • 下面的兩個表是舉例錯誤的 center 在 guidance, power, security, wisdom 四個面向的分析:
  • 回到正確的 principle-centered 應該是怎麼樣呢?首先是要有一致性,找到那個不變的 center 讓你得到最高程度的 guidance, power (self-aware, knowledgable, proactive), security, and wisdom consistently. That center is usually those natural principles, which leads you to be principle-centered mindset.
  • After identifying what mindset are you now, how to adjust to a more balanced one and closer to principle-centered? This chart below shows the alternative ways to balance your mindset to other mindsets:

立下 personal mission statement 之後,怎麼執行才是關鍵。Habit 3 就是實際執行透過 Habit 1 & 2 訂製出的計畫了。執行的關鍵是時間分配,回到 P / PC balance 的概念,你必須花更多時間在重要但不緊急的 Quadrant II tasks,例如 long-range planning, reading, exercising, preventive maintenance, preparation, build helpful personal relationship:

可以參考使用的 Quadrant II planning tool: 針對生活中你扮演的角色(伴侶/父母/朋友/社群的一份子),以週為單位做計劃,列出你對每個角色所想做出的 Quadrant II task 是什麼,並在下一週中優先空下時段給這些 task。

Habit 1: self-awareness
Habit 2: imagination, conscience — to detect our unique fulfillment
Habit 3: independent will — practice effective self-management (put first thing first everyday even you don’t want to do it)

  • Principle-centered mindset to deal with people: focus on effectiveness instead of efficiency. Efficiency is for things.
  • Don’t solely live up to expectations. Expectations often are reflections of social mirror rather then our own values and priorities.
  • Trust are the highest form of human motivation which brings out the very best in us
  • Create win-win with abundance mentality, instead of scarcity mentality.
  • Unity in important things; diversity in all things
  • Understand the reality in other people’s head, and give people a psychological air to be understood, affirmed, validated, and appreciated
  • Empathic listening takes time but not nearly enough time as it take to back up and correct misunderstandings.
  • Don’t prescribe glasses to people that you’ve been wearing for years. It could be spouse-centric glasses, or money-centric lens of economic concern for you.

With developed win/win motive, empathetic communicating to create new alternatives for principle-centered leadership, you can now respect and value differences to build on strength and compensation for weakness. It helps to create momentum of mutual learning, insights, and growth within the group.
Take sports team sports team for example, unusual creative experiences in real team spirit submerging ego and pride.

The order starts from building security, to trust in individual, to openness in the group and allowing people to have a heart of adventure. To start, you can relate with personal experience and insights even self-doubts, that gains people’s trust and make them feel safe to share, and prompts people to be open. However, people often feel uneasy in highly creative enterprise because they need structure, certainty and predictability.

You have to know each other in the group to create bond: their interests, hopes, goals, concerns, backgrounds, frame of reference, paradigms. Analyze what is their forced field, is it negative or positive? Try to create positive ones.

Finally, renew and invest yourself to enhance your PC to support Ps in habit 4–6. In particularly focus on QII activities in these four dimensions :

  • physical: economic needs, exercise
  • social/emotional: script other people and make them principle-centered
  • mental: educate yourself via reading, train the mind, write
  • spiritual: service, meditation, great literature/music/dance/nature provide renewal, go to a place you enjoyed as a child, and: listen carefully, try reaching back, examine your motives (serve others, motive=influence not recognition, make meaningful contributions by: think cooperatively, promote good of other people, happy for other people’s success)

Full stack DL engineer on a 100 days challenge